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Scuba - 08-30-2004
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Scuba - 09-04-2004
Scuba - 09-05-2004
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Scuba - 09-11-2004
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Scuba - 09-16-2004
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Scuba - 09-30-2004
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Scuba - 10-03-2004
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Scuba - 10-09-2004
Scuba - 10-10-2004
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Scuba - 11-05-2004
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Scuba - 11-29-2004
Scuba - 11-30-2004
Scuba - 12-01-2004
Scuba - 12-02-2004
Scuba - 12-03-2004
Scuba - 12-04-2004
Scuba - 12-05-2004
Scuba - 12-06-2004
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Scuba - 12-09-2004
Scuba - 12-10-2004
Scuba - 12-11-2004
Scuba - 12-12-2004
Scuba - 12-13-2004
Scuba - 12-14-2004
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Scuba - 12-16-2004
Scuba - 12-17-2004
Scuba - 12-18-2004
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Scuba - 12-29-2004
Scuba - 12-30-2004
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Scuba - 01-18-2005
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Scuba - 03-29-2005
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Scuba - 04-29-2005
Scuba - 04-30-2005
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Scuba - 05-05-2005
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Scuba - 05-29-2005
Scuba - 05-30-2005
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Scuba - 06-05-2005
Scuba - 06-06-2005
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Scuba - 06-08-2005
Scuba - 06-09-2005
Scuba - 06-10-2005
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Scuba - 06-17-2005
Scuba - 06-18-2005
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Scuba - 06-21-2005
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Scuba - 06-29-2005
Scuba - 06-30-2005
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Scuba - 07-03-2005
Scuba - 07-04-2005
Scuba - 07-05-2005
Scuba - 07-06-2005
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Scuba - 07-08-2005
Scuba - 07-09-2005
Scuba - 07-10-2005
Scuba - 07-11-2005
Scuba - 07-12-2005
Scuba - 07-13-2005
Scuba - 07-14-2005
Scuba - 07-15-2005
Scuba - 07-16-2005
Scuba - 07-17-2005
Scuba - 07-18-2005
Scuba - 07-19-2005
Scuba - 07-20-2005
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Scuba - 07-25-2005
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Scuba - 07-27-2005
Scuba - 07-28-2005
Scuba - 07-29-2005
Scuba - 07-30-2005
Scuba - 07-31-2005
Scuba - 08-01-2005
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Scuba - 08-03-2005
Scuba - 08-04-2005
Scuba - 08-05-2005
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Scuba - 08-08-2005
Scuba - 08-09-2005
Scuba - 08-10-2005
Scuba - 08-11-2005
Scuba - 08-12-2005
Scuba - 08-13-2005
Scuba - 08-14-2005
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Scuba - 08-17-2005
Scuba - 08-18-2005
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Scuba - 08-20-2005
Scuba - 08-21-2005
Scuba - 08-22-2005
Scuba - 08-23-2005
Scuba - 08-24-2005
Scuba - 08-25-2005
Scuba - 08-26-2005
Scuba - 08-27-2005
Scuba - 08-28-2005
Scuba - 08-29-2005
Scuba - 08-30-2005
Scuba - 08-31-2005
Scuba - 09-01-2005
Scuba - 09-02-2005
Scuba - 09-03-2005
Scuba - 09-04-2005
Scuba - 09-05-2005
Scuba - 09-06-2005
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Scuba - 09-08-2005
Scuba - 09-09-2005
Scuba - 09-10-2005
Scuba - 09-11-2005
Scuba - 09-12-2005
Scuba - 09-13-2005
Scuba - 09-14-2005
Scuba - 09-15-2005
Scuba - 09-16-2005
Scuba - 09-17-2005
Scuba - 09-18-2005
Scuba - 09-19-2005
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Scuba - 09-26-2005
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Scuba - 09-29-2005
Scuba - 09-30-2005
Scuba - 10-01-2005
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Scuba - 10-03-2005
Scuba - 10-04-2005
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Scuba and Snorkeling News and Info
06-26-2004, 00:05

Ocean Treasure
Ocean Treasure
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Do You Have A Spare Weak End? -
From: www.cynic.co.uk
© - See article for copyright information.

" Doubt have the pleasure of being asked to publish the following list of raucous suggestions. We were approached by a group of people calling themselves T.E.M.P.E.S.T, they are a small congregation of workshy drug/beer/porn/sex/dope/fast car/slalom skiing/experimental cookery addicts who live their lives as if they were the lovechild of Luke Reinhardt and Johnny Knoxville.

Their suggestion is to keep a weekend free (you are allowed to start from 6pm on the Friday evening but must stop at midnight on the Sunday) and attempt to do as many things on this list as possible without killing anyone, being arrested, sodomising animals, getting a blister or crying. They claim to have set the current record by successfully completing no less than 76 of their allotted tasks. So we at Doubt in association with T.E.M.P.E.S.T challenge you to do any better, let us know how you got on...

  1. Make a full sized Spitfire from old pizza boxes and snot and fly to Scotland
  2. Dress up as Kate Bush and say 'oooh he's here again, the man with the child in his eyes' each time you see a man
  3. Infiltrate next doors TV system and force them to watch Emmerdale Farm until their eyes explode and their ears drop of
  4. Pretend to be mime artists when up the super market
  5. Wear Dexies Midnight Runners T-shirts and claim they were the best band ever
  6. Wrestle each other in the dark in the swimming pool with bricks tied to your ankles whilst really drunk
  7. Buy all the porn from the local shop and all the tissues & loo roll too
  8. After buying the above point to yourself and say to the shop keeper 'Hello I'm the out of town Power Wank Champion'
  9. Eat insects and speak in weird dialects
  10. Pretend to be ZZ Top
  11. Train a legion of terrapins to infiltrate GCHQ and hold the country to ransom
  12. Blow coloured smoke into the bedrooms of villagers - saying that you're Big Friendly Giants
  13. Dress up as Polynesian warriors and hunt domestic animals with spears through the gardens of English villages
  14. Hang around the street corners in Victorian clothes and blatantly whore yourself
  15. Rustle some horses, then see if anyone can actually eat a whole one
  16. Divert a river through the family property and start a 'feud'
  17. Sit in silence for 2 hours
  18. Play the 'Tourrets Syndrome' game in Tescos
  19. Blow your beans in public
  20. Drink as much liquid as possible and the first person to pee takes off a layer of clothing - repeat this on a round by round basis
  21. Write 'Pilots are Faggots' in oil in a field and set it alight
  22. Recreate the battle of Pearl Harbour in the pool using Danish Pastries and French Sticks
  23. Buy night vision goggles and storm a village with a shoot to kill policy
  24. Call the police and see if they shoot you or give you a beating for no apparent reason
  25. Pretend you are foreign tourists looking for the local drug dealer and whore house
  26. Set up an alter, sacrifice a virgin and try to raise a demon from the bowels of hell itself
  27. Make a scale model of orphan Annie and fire rockets at it
  28. Learn to do back flips
  29. Make a cocktail with every spirit known to man, drink a pint of it, spin around in circles and then try kicking you dog in the nuts
  30. Go into local chemist and buy 30 packets of condoms, an extra large tube of pile cream, all the lubricant they stock, 7 man size packets of tissues, some Kudos aftershave, a pack of tampons, 4 watch batteries and some foot powder
  31. Introduce an ecosystem threatening species that will disrupt the natural equilibrium of the existing food chain
  32. Construct a runway in the neighbouring field then attempt to land a plane bound for Gatwick
  33. Car jacking for loose change
  34. Kidnap a member of the public from Wolverhampton then submit them to a number of Japanese endurance style tests while they fight for their lives
  35. Build a super-computer then take over the world
  36. 24 hour pornathon (incorporating a special 'Who's the Daddy?' hour)
  37. Build a mountain of human excrement
  38. Play hide the sausage in the dark with luminous paint
  39. Steal as Aston Marten DB7 and then Play, 'How long does it take to right-off an Aston Martin DB7?'
  40. Re-enact the 'Libyan Embassy storming' by pretending to be members of the SAS and abseiling from the roof into upstairs windows
  41. Watch TV standing on your head
  42. Eat dinner standing on your head
  43. Go to bed in a suit of armour
  44. Wank whilst screaming like a madman
  45. Wake up your friends in the middle of the night by ringing them up and yelling 'fuck me, fuck me, fuck me you horny wanton bitch'
  46. Wank 4 times in 20 minutes
  47. Eat a Breakfast of fried cereal and
  48. Go for nap with mustard under your eyelids
  49. Have a parrot for lunch
  50. Wank again but this time at your own leisure
  51. Shout 'You're gay' when in public and point at an OAP
  52. Eat raw Sausages
  53. Play the Hidden Bacon Game
  54. Wear full scuba gear at all times
  55. Throw grenades at the neighbours
  56. 13 hour pornothon (in the event of a 24 hour one being too much to bear or if for some odd reason you do not have enough porn)
  57. Learn to play 80's hits on the piano including T'pau and Wang Chung
  58. Male bonding session around a BBQ with some blokes from local Young Farmers Society
  59. See if your mobile works under water
  60. Night operation 'Stalking Pervert'
  61. Wear slippers, smoke pipes, wear smoking jackets
  62. Make bombs and bomb something
  63. Build an elevated swimming pool and heavy pet at will
  64. Dig a tunnel between house and tennis court (surely you have one), re-enact great escape
  65. Show arse to neighbours
  66. Show neighbours to arse
  67. Sniff fingers in local shop and shout 'phwoargh my fingers absolutely stink'
  68. Mountain building game (food, granite, JCB, labourers, hairy arsed Irish foreman, 27 copies of The Sun and 100 litres of tea required)
  69. Face painting game (gloss only)
  70. Crazy climbing game (Day Release patients, step ladders, tables, oil and a trellis required)
  71. Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants
  72. Recreate the Blair Witch Project
  73. Pretend you are in a cult and act like rich freaks on crack
  74. Write a short book of romantic poetry
  75. In all the excitement don't forget to go to the toilet
  76. Hillbilly Karoke
  77. Cannon Duels
  78. Do do do; c'mon and do the Conga
  79. Death Metal Challenge
  80. Oil up a pal and slide him into the village, pronouncing '...the Lord of Lower Monkfish is here to claim what is rightfully his...'
  81. Steal some sheep and send them over the side of the nearest ravine
  82. Do the Timewarp and then do it again
  83. Unleash the plague
  84. Goldschlager speed drinking session
  85. Play Cluedo in the kitchen with a wrench
  86. Run amok wearing pyjamas, singing Psalms in Latin and waving fruit in the air in a menacing manner
  87. Pretend to be 17C ponces and ponce about in a poncey way
  88. Invade Essex
  89. Do do do the Funky Gibbon
  90. Talk in Jamaican patois for 3 hours
  91. Re-enact an episode of "The Flashing Blade"
  92. Wow the crowds in the local market town with your amazing performing bears
  93. Release thousands of rats into the local town then quickly get rid of them Pied Piper style
  94. Pretend to be a really good pole dancer whenever you are near a lamp post
  95. Dress up as "Adam and the Ants" and play "Stand and Deliver"
  96. Sign a pact with the Devil and surrender your soul in exchange for a weekend of ridiculous debauchery
  97. Pretend that you've landed on the 'Planet of the Apes' by randomly sinking to your knees and shouting 'GOD...WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!!!
  98. Drinking contest where you drink from the locals' furry-cup
  99. Build a Bastille then go hunting for local upper class types to execute
  100. 2 hour wankathon (with a special 'distance and skill' hour)
  101. Hold a chicken in the air
  102. Put a deck chair up your nose
  103. Fly a jumbo jet
  104. And bury all your clothes
  105. Nah, nah, nah nah
  106. Pretend your name is Keith
  107. Ball size contest
  108. Hold a Break dancing/robotics festival
  109. Play Soggy Biscuit
  110. Smoked cheese snorting competition
  111. Put Fairy Liquid in a pond
  112. Wear mirkins for duration of weekend
  113. Milk the cat
  114. Skidmark game (Pants and powerful motorcycle required)
  115. Take an AC Mobil on a rally course
  116. Hold a Free Love festival
  117. Free Willy
  118. Do a Maths test
  119. Enslave the locals and make them build an effigy of Donald Duck
  120. Write a juvenille list of things to do

(With thanks to Baxt, The Pie, Buvez, Romanticco and Monsieur Le Fun)

"
 
 
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